Personal self-care and emotional self-care are entwined in a significant way. If you start to work on one, the other will be impacted. With that said, I want to start with emotional self-care.
Emotional Self-Care can best be thought of as mental self-care you are working on your innermost thoughts, which means how you talk to yourself and deal with emotions, stress and anxiety, and the forgiveness of yourself and others. Talking about mental health in many aspects is taboo in the black community and other minority groups. Stop don playing what stress and anxiety can do to your overall health. I might get some flack for this, but it has to be said, do not substitute emotional self-care with spiritual self-care prayer alone is not a fix. Lastly, chill with the topic positivity, you are allowed to feel and voice positive and negative emotions, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. There is no greater peace you can have like mental peace; This leads me into personal self-care.
Personal Self-Care is all about knowing yourself, what brings you joy, what you want from life, what boundaries you have set for yourself, both positive and negative, and your values and goals? In the back communities, it is pushed that we suffer so others can be happy, and that is a no go. We are not the backbone to everyone; you are allowed to do what you want and say no to what you do not want. Take personality quizzes, go to therapy, go on that self-discovery journey. You can focus on you, and that is not selfish despite what you might hear. Just like personal self-care and emotional self-care are entwined, so are financial self-care and work self-care.
Financial Self-Care is about learning to manage money, saving, being overall responsible, but it is also about knowing your worth. We as women tend to not negotiate salary and feel guilt about bringing it up. However, that has got to stop. Black women (and other women of color), on average, make less than both white men and women. I have been unfortunate enough to be in a situation of having the same education level and more experience as a co-worker, and she made more than me. The difference being I am not white. Be willing to talk about money with yourself and what you need and how you are going to get there. Lastly is work self-care.
Work Self-Care is the balance of work-life, not taking on everyone else job (so once again setting boundaries). There is this misconception that Black women are lazy. I don't get that from what I have seen the majority of Black women I have worked with have been hardworking and willing to go above and beyond. Do not take a back sit in workplace self-care when it comes to your mental health, and you spend most of your week waking hours working. You should feel safe, heard, and valued. Take your lunch break, learn new skills, go after that promotion.
I live in what I like to call the self-care bubble, and if what I am asked to do, or I try and make myself do does not align with my self-care journey, values, and morels I have started to say no to it. I do this because self-care is more than getting your nails done. It is about giving yourself grace, setting boundaries, and bringing yourself joy, comfort, and growth on your terms. The key here is your terms (within reason, you cannot control others and every situation). My older sister has perfected the self-care bubble she does what is right for her without apology, and I strive every day to get there, but more than anything, I strive for every woman to get there.
You have the control, power, and strength to heal from within.
Love Shakirah
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