2 Things You Must Know About Childhood

2 Things You Must Know About Childhood

Sunday, March 1, 2020

Sigmund Freud started a movement of how our childhood can impact who we are well past our youth. I did what many people do, and I underestimated my childhood and its impacts on me as an adult. I felt that I had made it through and thus had left the past behind.

I grew up in what I thought was a relatively typical family. I lived with my grandmother on and off since I could remember, and my oldest memories were of going to visit my mother. I can remember being very excited about the trips to my mother's house and feeling like she lived too far.
My siblings and I were homeschooled (by my grandmother) for most of my pre-college years, and I enjoyed it. I liked not having someone in my face all the time and having countless hours to daydream. There is not a linear way to write about my whole childhood in a single post, but I will touch on some moments that had a significant impact on my life and left long-term impacts so that you can get an idea of the effects of childhood.

9/11 (event) 11 (age)

I was 11 when the twin towers went down and, my life up until that point had been sheltered and, my experience with hate and death was limited. Post 9/11, I dealt with a great deal of discrimination. As an 11-year-old girl, this was terrifying, and it dramatically changed not only how I viewed myself and others, but religion. Being yelled at, shoved, and disrespected as a child is psychologically scarring. It got to the point I would not leave my home covered.

Impact as an Adult

I understand the importance religion has in people's lives, but I am still not religious and have since found a balance spiritually within myself. For many years I did not put my full name on my resume. I did not get callbacks until I removed my last name. It is sad to say, but that is life.

Moving (12)

When I was 12, my mother moved out of the home we had lived in with her for many years, and for years we moved often. To add to the distress, the house my grandmother had lived in most of my life (at the point), she moved out of two years later. There was a sense of never really being settled; I had a hard time making friends and holding on to possessions.

Impact as an Adult

I hate to move and have made sure that at least Noah is moved every two years, and even then, I try to stay in or around the same area. I also find it takes me, on average, ten months to feel like a place is mine.

Best Friend (16)

I met a girl who was not afraid to believe in fairies and talk to spirit guides. I found someone who I was able to share all my secrets and ideas without judgment. I found for a time a twin flame, and it was amazing. For years she and I were always seen together

Impact as an Adult

I could have close relationships outside of my siblings. I am now a very social introvert, and I got a lot of that confidence in that friendship.

Car wreck (16)

I was in a  car wreck that brought out the lies in my friendship. Put my life in danger, and put me in a vulnerable place of feeling trapped inside of a body that did not function as it did before.

Impact as an Adult

The universe will reveal all truths, and it is better to tell a friend the truth even if it hurts. No one wants to find out the foundation of their friendship (or any relationship) is built on a lie. I have now taken time to get to know people and trust your spirit guides, guardians angels, God, and your intuition when it comes to understanding others.

Bipolar (17)

When my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, this was both a positive and life-changing event, not just for her but for me as well. It was a reality check that she is human and that "normal" life I wanted was not coming. I know that sounds sad, but the fact of the matter is I was nearing an adult and treatment for bipolar disorder is trial and error and can take years to find a balance. However, from that experience, my world opened up to the idea of mental health work and the purpose I may have in this life.

Impact as an Adult

I got my undergraduate degree in psychology because of the day my mother was diagnosed. I did this to understand mental health, my mother's disorder, and the long term effects my childhood would have on my siblings and me. If I am honest, the truth hurt, but it allowed me to see my mother as a human because sometimes that is not how we view our parents. They are human with flaws.

Finding out I was molested (16 & 17)

My sister first told me this after a few days of hounding her. However, my mother gave me the same news nearly a year later, and it was still devastating. I cannot remember the actual event but still had a lot of the symptoms of the trauma; I generally disliked for people (not just men) to be near me. I liked a lot of space and often found myself if people were touching me, freaking out on the inside. I am sure this is what lead to a lot of my depression and anxiety in my childhood.

Impact as an Adult

I think because I cannot remember what happened, this has been one of the harder traumas to address and get a hold on, on my own. I will likely seek some help from a counselor to get over this fully.

2 Things You Must Know 

1) Acknowledge your childhood. Having something as simple as awareness can change how you respond. The skills that may have helped you survive childhood can turn into your adult pains. It is not about placing blame, bashing, or excuses; it is about growing, learning, forgiving, and most of all, healing.

2) Get help. It is a powerful thing to speck of our pains and troubles to a nonjudgmental and understanding person. In fact, in many parts of the world, storytelling is used to heal. It should be no different for you.While my services do not cover going over past traumas (read about what I do here), someone is there to help. Often time, the biggest hurdle to mental health help is cost, but that should not stop you. One Path Collective is a fantastic place to look for affordable mental health help. I have used them and found the counselor who helped me after my roommate was murdered.

Simple Exercise: 

Sit down and write about an experience you had as a child and then write the story again with a positive tone and looking for meaning.

Example.

First story: I was bullied because I was light-skinned, and everyone called me white girl. I hated school, and I hated it when people called me that.
Rewrite story: I got picked on for being light-skinned, but from this, I learned to love who I was even if others did not. I can see as an adult that those who bullied me were likely doing it from a place of pain. What they did was not right, and it affected me.

Don't lie about what happened but find that one slither of light and retell the story so you can heal. Share your story in the comments.

By Crowgirl